


particles

by rilayacamren



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Past Drug Addiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2020-12-28 04:11:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21130559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rilayacamren/pseuds/rilayacamren
Summary: it took death to make lizzie saltzman realize that maybe she should get some help***trigger warning for past drug use, and for later chapters, drug use***





	1. chapter 1

It took a glimpse of death for Lizzie Saltzman to finally realize that maybe she needed help. It took her sister, mother and father finding her legally dead for her to realize she couldn’t keep doing this to them and to herself. So, that brought her to where she currently was at. Sitting in a room full of people that are trying to fake their way through their 12 steps. She felt empty and numb in this plastic chair, in a room that was way too cold for no reason, talking about her addiction to random strangers she meets with once a week.

She’s been going for a few weeks only, and she is just now beginning to have cold sweats and chills. It was exhausting, constantly being tired and physically aching to go back to her addiction. Her body ached, she missed the feeling. But, nonetheless she forced herself for her family. As much as her bones shook in want, her heart ached more at the memory of waking up in the hospital, Josie beside her bed looking broken. She doesn’t like to dwell on that memory too much, it hurt more than legally dying, instead she tried to focus on more positive things like how she’s made it a few weeks without giving in.

She shifts in her chair when she realizes it’s her turn to speak. Her mouth feels a bit dry and suddenly her heart rate picks up as well. Looking around, she sees everyone waiting for her to speak up. Clearing her throat, she stands up before addressing the room.

“Hi everyone, my name is Lizzie and I’ve been clean for 5 weeks.”

She hears everyone clap softly for her before she continues.

“Some days are harder than others, but I’m trying my best, not only for me but my family really.”

Not knowing what else to say she takes a seat again and she hears the group leader speak up.

“Thank you, Lizzie, for sharing and I hope you get to the place you want to be in.”

Looking up, she mirrors the kind smile the group leader M.G. was giving her. She looks back down at her hands as the rest of the people share their part for the meeting. Once the meeting was over, she lingers a bit, she hadn’t really connected with anyone yet, M.G. said everyone takes it at their own pace, she was worried she wasn’t going to find that for herself. So, she quietly watches her group chat away for a while, sipping on a cup of coffee M.G. had handed her. Mindlessly biting into a muffin she had in her other hand, she didn’t notice that the curly haired group leader had taken the seat next to her. When the other boy clears his throat she jumps a bit, quickly realizing he was next to her.

“Hey Lizzie, you okay?” His voice is soft and caring and it always seemed to find a way through Lizzie’s defensive walls, word by word. 

Taking a deep breath, she looks back over to him and gave him a small smile, “I’m okay, just tired.” 

She can tell he wants to push past her walls a bit more, and Lizzie takes that as a sign to head home. Bidding her farewell, she makes her way out the front door and down the street.

On her walk back home, she makes a quick stop at her favorite book store in search of a new book. Opening the door, she steps inside and is met with warmth and an extremely beautiful auburn haired girl nearly bumping into her.

“Oh! I’m sorry.” 

Backing up, she nearly knocks the shelf behind her down trying to put space between herself and the pretty girl looking up at her. She sees the apologetic look on the shorter girl’s face before feeling a warm hand on her arm. 

“Lizzie are you okay?”

Turning around she comes face to face with her father who was carefully watching her.  _ How did he get here?  _ The confusion must have been clear on her face because before she could say anything her father spoke up again. 

“I was on my way home and saw you walk in here.” 

For some reason she feels her shoulders relax a bit at that. She gives him a small smile and softly nods okay in response. Turning around she expects to find the pretty girl she ran into but all she found was a bookshelf staring back at her. Not too sure why, she lets out a disappointed puff of air. She scans through the small bookstore and finally finds who she was looking for. Just a few bookshelves aways she found soft blue eyes watching her. As soon as she catches the other girl, a blush flushes her pale skin. She doesn’t know why but she feels her heart begin to race in a way that was foregin to her. She watches the shorter girl look down while she blushed before looking back up and giving her a small smile. Before she knew what was happening she feels a small smile on her own lips. 

“Lizzie we should go it’s getting late.”

Her father’s voice breaks her away from the small trance she was in. Pulling her eyes away from the gorgeous stranger, she faces her dad again. She sneaks one more glance before nodding her head and making her way out of the bookstore with her father. 

At first they walk in silence. The sun was just setting and it was her favorite time of the day, she could hear faint music nearby from one of the small coffee shops. It was peaceful. She wished for more of these moments and less of the aching. Releasing a deep breath, she feels her father wrap an arm around her shoulders. At first she stiffens up a bit but soon enough relaxes in her father’s embrace. It really was a lovely evening, she nearly wishes she could stay in this state forever.

“How was your day today sweetheart?”

Shrugging a bit she answers, “It was okay.”

“Just okay?”

“Just okay,” she replies.

“Okay.” 

She lets out a small laugh, “Calm down John Green.”

Her father soon joins her laughter and bumps his hip into hers before gently squeezing her shoulder. Glancing up, she sees him shaking his head before looking away again. They fall into a comfortable silence once again. A few minutes pass when they finally arrive home. All the lights were on which meant her mother and sister were probably home as well. Her father opens the door and she’s met with the warmth of the house. She didn’t even realize how cold it was until she walked inside and took off her boots. Hearing faint voices coming from the kitchen, she slowly makes her way towards them. As she walked into the kitchen she sees her mother, Josie and Penelope attempting to make a pumpkin pie. She softly shakes her head as she chuckles at the pathetic looking pie on the counter. 

“Hey don’t be rude we tried really hard.” 

Raising an eyebrow towards her sister, she counters Josie’s comment.

“It literally looks like someone sat on it Jo.” 

She can hear Penelope and her mother quietly laugh at her jab, but the laughter doesn’t last very long because Josie turned towards them, glaring daggers at them. It was quite funny, seeing her Josie all worked up about a pie. 

“Alright, I’ll let you girls do your thing, good night my loves and Penelope.”

She feels a soft kiss on her forehead and watches her mother place one of Josie’s head as well before ultimately placing one on Penelope’s. It’s kind of funny to her how much her mother jokes about not liking Penelope but her actions say the complete opposite. The smile on Penelope’s face shows that she’s just as fond of Caroline. Watching her mother walk out of the kitchen and up the stairs, she hears Josie and Penelope being sickeningly sweet to each other. Right as she was going to gag she feels a faint blow to her stomach and looks up to a smirking Josie. 

“And I’m the rude one?”

Josie just smuggly shrugs before turning towards the fridge and opening it. She looks at Penelope in question and finds her just shaking her head and quietly snickering at her. Before she can make a comment, Josie unknowingly cuts her off.

“Anyway, how was your day Lizzie, was the meeting boring like usual?”

Resting her back on the counter she just nods as she answered. 

“Yeah, same as always,” she thinks back to the bookstore and the beautiful stranger and she struggles with whether or not she should tell them about it. She watches as both of the girls in front of her nod along with what she just said. 

“But, something else did happen.” 

That definitely got both Josie and Penelope’s attention because before she could react they were right in front of her waiting for her to continue. She can feel her face heat up and she’s almost positive she’s redder than a tomato. 

“So, I went to the bookstore I always go to and bumped into this really pretty girl and I feel like an idiot because I froze up and didn’t say anything and then dad came in because he was nearby and it was just a mess.”

“You didn’t get her number? Yeah you’re an idiot. Ouch.”

“Penelope don’t be rude it’s not her fault she can’t talk to girls.”

“Hey!”

“What it’s true.”

“Still don’t remind me.”

“Whatever,” Josie huffs out. “So that’s all that happened?” 

She shrugs a bit before pushing herself off the counter and grabs an apple. She spins back around and looks at both Penelope and Josie who are carefully watching her. 

“Okay, maybe there was some staring and smiling.”

“Only some?”

She glares at Penelope who was raising an eyebrow at her.

“Fine there was a lot of it. I still feel like a complete idiot for not trying to talk to her.”

“Once again, it’s because you are.”

“Shut up or I swear I’ll shove this apple-”

“Hey okay, that’s it’s enough Lizzie and you too babe.”

They both roll their eyes before Josie speaks back up. “Do you think you’ll see her again or that she’ll be in the book store tomorrow?”

If she was honest she didn’t think of that. She hopes she sees her again because she’ll definitely try to talk to her that time. 


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flashback to how lizzie started this addiction
> 
> i used a personal experience my cousin who struggles with addiction shared with me, drugs are bad kids

**4 years ago…**

  
  
  


“Saltzman, you ready to head out, Connor’s outside.”

Lizzie takes one last look at herself in the mirror. The light blue eyeshadow made her eyes pop more and the baby pink lip gloss on her lips makes them look nearly irresistible. Satisfied with the final outcome of her prepping, she flattens out her body tight dress as she stands.

“Let’s go.”

Turning around she sees as Dana gives her a look of approval before watching her start out of her bedroom door. Following suit she makes a quick stop at Josie’s room to let her know she was going out for the night. Lizzie doesn’t bother to knock as she opens her sister’s bedroom door and disturbingly finds a shirtless Penelope straddling her twin. 

“Gross!”

“Learn how to knock for God’s sake.”

“Don’t you know how to lock a door?”

She doesn’t need to look in their direction to know that Penelope is probably sending daggers her way and that her sister is probably a flustered mess. As she clears her throat she attempts to turn even further away from the scene she just witnessed.

“Anyway. Josette I’m going out, don’t wait up.”

She hears a small ‘okay’ as she shuts the door and takes a second to recollect herself.  _ Really could’ve gone my whole life without seeing Penelope shirtless.  _ Internally gagging one last time, she shakes her head before continuing towards the front door. As she locked the front door she hears a car horn beep behind her.

“Saltzman hurry up!”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.”

\---

The ride to the house party wasn’t too long. She was thankful because Dana and Connor in small spaces are incapable of keeping pda to a minimum. Lizzie barely waits for the car to be parked to jump out of it in attempts to get away from Connor’s not so subtle thigh  _ touching.  _ As much as she loves them as friends they’re definitely up on the scale of cringeworthy. The loud bass from the party fills her ears as she makes her way towards the entrance, Dana and Connor still in the car, probably making out, or worse. She gags at the thought and distracts herself as she entered through the front door and was met with a few dozens drunk teenagers. Dana and Connor finally walk in behind her and she lets out a small sigh. 

“Took you long enough,” she says. 

“Sorry, we got distracted.” 

Turning around she’s met with a smug looking Connor and a bored Dana. She just nods a bit before walking off into the kitchen in search of a drink. 

  
  


\---

Lizzie spends most of her night sipping on a few drinks, not allowing herself to get intoxicated and making small talk with a few familiar faces. She was in the middle of a conversation with a friend of hers, Kaleb, when Dana interrupts. 

“Hey, come with me, I what you to try something out, it’s fucking amazing.”

Before she even gets to answer, she’s being tugged by Dana away into an upstairs room. Dana opens the door and there’s about 5 or 6 other people inside. Some were laying on the bed and a few were sprawled out on the floor. She notices a few different things on a small bedside table and immediately gets uncomfortable. They were definitely drugs. She knew Dana and Connor smoked weed and popped a few addrells every so often but she got an uneasy feeling when she saw white baggies, spoons and needles. 

“I’ve never felt such a great high Lizzie, you have to try it.”

“Dana what? No are you crazy? What even is that? How did you even-”

“Saltzman stop being a pussy, you’ve smoked weed with us before just trust me, it’s just a one time thing.”

She didn’t like where this was going. Lizzie Saltzman was a lot of things but one of them was not a pussy. Looking between Dana and the drugs she began to question everything. 

“Dana no. I am not sticking a needle in me.”

She watches as Dana rolls her eyes. 

“Fine, at least try this.”

Dana begins to pull out a small baggie out of her pocket. It was soft looking and white. How did Dana even get this shit? 

“Is that Coke? Dana how the hell did you even get that and why are you trying to push this down my throat.”

Dana rolls her eyes for a second time. Lizzie was about to just walk out and walk home if she had to. 

“Saltzman, come on don’t be like that. Just try it, it won’t kill you. It’s a party have some fun, live a little.”

She starts to feel a few eyes on her and her heart rate begins to pick up a bit. Looking around, she sees a few of the other people in the room look at her questioningly. She’s not sure what in her made her nod slowly but she instantly regretted it. Suddenly Dana was setting up the line of coke up. Her hands began to sweat and she was nearly shaking. 

“So, it’ll feel weird at first, your tongue, nose and throat will go numb but it'll be so good I promise.”

Dana’s promise doesn’t help ease her nerves but she slowly brings herself down and closer to the powder.  _ Come on just do it, live a little.  _ Closing her eyes, she runs her nose against the white line and when she opens her eyes again the line was no longer there. 

“Holy shit.”

“How do you feel?”

It takes her a second to really feel it but she felt like she was on cloud 9. She doesn’t think she’s ever been this loose in her entire life. 

“It feels amazing.”

“See I told you. You want more?”

Her body automatically reacts and nods quickly. She hears Dana chuckle at her while she sets her up another line. Lizzie spends the rest of her night coming back to Dana every so often asking for more. Her friend notices and at one point just tells her she doesn’t have anymore. That’s when Lizzie decides to head home. The clock just hit midnight and the exhaustion began to sink into Lizzie’s bones. She doesn’t even know what she just started. 

When she gets home she notices Josie is still up. She makes her way towards the door, her mind still reeling with the way that the drugs made her feel. Knocking on the door, she opens and finds her sister silently reading with an asleep Penelope on her. 

“Hey Jo,” she whispers. 

“Hey. How was the party?” She watches as her sister softly sets the book aside before paying attention to Lizzie again.

“It was good. I was just wondering if you had $20. I’ll pay you back.”

“Uh, yeah sure it’s in my wallet over there,” she hears Josie say. Looking over to where her sister was pointing she finds the wallet. Grabbing the money, she sets the wallet before turning back around.

“Thank you, I just need it for tomorrow and didn’t realize I didn’t have cash,” she explains.

Lizzie watches as Josie gives her a small nod, she can tell her sister was a bit skeptical so she decides to get out while she can.

“Alright I’ll let you sleep. Goodnight Jo.” As she was getting up and making her way out of the room she hears Josie speak up again.

“Hey Liz what’s all that white stuff on your dress?”  _ Shit. Shit, this is not good. _

“Oh, um, yeah that’s probably powder from the donuts they had there.”

She watches as Josie gives her a small nod. 

“Okay, goodnight, could you turn the light off?”

“Yeah of course, goodnight.”

She shuts the lights off and softly closes the door. She softly rest her body against the door. Reaching into her bag, she looks for a small baggie she had hidden away. She had Dana tell her where she got her coke from, and made a small purchase of her own, it wasn’t anything too bad. At least she thinks it isn’t too bad. Making sure nothing spilled she puts it away again as well as the $20. Checking her phone she realizes it’s late, so she decides to finally head to her room to go to sleep. As she gets ready for bed and checks for her baggie once again before finally laying in bed. Lizzie goes to sleep that night unaware of an addiction she just started.


End file.
